Shafted
by Kaiva Lukain
Summary: A fanfic acknowledging that Rokujo Miyuki got shafted, and Tamao as well. Eventual M
1. Chapter 1

Shafted – a fanfic totally acknowledging that Rokujo Miyuki got shafted, and Tamao as well.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my laptop which I use to make up for the lack of depth into certain Strawberry Panic! characters ^.^

Light shined through the curtains despite Rokujo Miyuki's attempt to keep it out by closing the curtains. It was not that she did not enjoy the daylight, simply that at the moment, she couldn't stand the idea that it would light up things she did not want to see. Everything within her ached as if it was abused, and in a way it was. Her head was abused, made to think every waking moment, her body was abused, forced to continue one when it begged for rest, and her heart was abused, forced to keep giving while not getting anything back in return. And soon, it would be dinner time, or rather, time to abuse herself again for the benefit of others. For now though, she just wanted to hide. A soft knock on the door pulled Miyuki from her thoughts slightly, but she didn't make a sound still unwilling to let her moments of peace go.

"Miyuki?"

Of all the voices to float past her door, Miyuki was shocked to hear this one. Even though she and Shizuma had known each other for so long, it always seemed as if Shizuma was completely unaware of her moods, especially her pain. Somewhat hopeful, Miyuki waited for a knock, willing to let her beloved Shizuma-sama in to her dark, brightening her somehow through her transitive brilliance, but the knock never came. Closing her eyes Miyuki let out a deep breath. Shizuma-sama was Shizuma –sama, there was no change in her. With her attention on Nagisa as it had been on Kaori, she still was unaware of Miyuki's pain.

Slowly Miyuki opened her eyes, aware that her brief respite was over. It was dinner time, and her appearance was never negotiable. Moving to stand in front of the mirror Miyuki looked at her darkened reflection and carefully schooled her features. It was Shizuma, no, Etoille-sama's job to skip out and be unreliable. It was her job to be there and be reliable. Nodding once to her reflection, reassuring herself of her readiness, Miyuki walked to her door, and then walked out of her sanctuary.

The long feeling, yet short walk to the dining hall was spent keeping her expression calm and refined, but with that hint of warmth that made her so liked by the students. And for most, the expression was enough to perpetuate her myth as the rock in the storm. Glancing across the dining hall Miyuki immediately was caught in a gaze by Shizuma, and she understood the message. Walking towards those hypnotizing eyes Miyuki cursed herself for being so helpless when it came to Hanazono Shizuma, but loved that those eyes looked at her that way – even if it only contained friendship. It was friendship she didn't think she could do without.

As she sat down she was greeted by a smiling Nagisa which soothed her aching heart a little. If she had to give up hope on her Shizuma-sama, than she would only allow it to be for Nagisa. Nagisa was a girl who was deserving of happiness, and Miyuki, as much as she wished to, couldn't grudge her that. And of course, with Nagisa were her roommate Tamao, and the various friends of theirs from all of the schools. The cheery group chattered like normal, and while Miyuki kept quiet as normal, she slowly began feeling stronger, pushing away her troubles. Not only did she seeks solace in silence, but she sought solace in joy. Miyuki had learned that wallowing in depression only hurt more, and in her long lonely years watching Shizuma turn to everyone but her, she learned to hide in happiness.

****

Tamao watched her friends interact around her jealous that they all seemed unaffected by the events of the election as she herself was. Even Yaya seemed upbeat, lavishing all of her attention on the younger Tsubomi, and of course, were the disheartening displays between Hikari and Amane. Nothing they did was overt, but Amane's pure presence was a signal of the changes that had occurred.

Changes. Tamao was trying hard to ignore the changes just on her right. No longer was Nagisa hers during lunch, which Tamao thought was unfair. Before, Nagisa was always with Shizuma before classes, after classes, but lunch was a time for them. And now it was gone. Trying to keep up a strong face Tamao tried to strike up conversation with her best friend, because, no matter what they would always be friends. Just, sometimes it hurt.

"So you're not running off again tonight are you?" Tamao asked her voice filled with hope though she tried to keep it out. "You keep missing our tea parties, and it is getting lonely without you." Turning red at the attention drawn to her night wanderings to Shizuma, Nagisa stuttered before she gave a coherent reply much to the amusement of the others at the table. Tamao on the other hand was waiting for an answer with bated breath. Unfortunately for Tamao, Nagisa's answer was not one she wanted to hear.

"Uh, how can you be lonely? It seems everyone wants to come now, I'm sure I'd just make it a crowd." Tamao felt her heart drop more at Nagisa's answer. It didn't matter that people surrounded her, she was lonely without Nagisa. As everyone rushed to reassure her and even offer for her to bring Shizuma, Tamao felt a little light headed. It was as if a pressure was shooting from her chest up to her head, Tamao was sure she'd just explode right there. But a hand on her shoulder brought her back from her mind's confused wanderings.

"Suzumi-san, I have a favor to ask." Tamao looked up and was caught by dazzling hazel eyes that seemed to simmer with understanding. Standing up on instinct Tamao let herself be led out of the room, deaf to questions that she vaguely heard being deflected by Rokujo-sama. Eventually they both came to a stop at an unfamiliar room, and still somewhat dazed Tamao was ushered inside.

"This is my room," Rokujo-sama explained simply, and when Tamao didn't respond, she was ushered inside. "Sit down, try to calm down. Then we'll talk." Tamao tried to respond but just couldn't muster the words. A gentle hand then pushed on her shoulder and she was sitting on the bed. Again she tried to speak but once more, nothing happened. She could only sit and try and hold back the avalanche of her feelings, because she was afraid that if she didn't then she would simply explode.


	2. Chapter 2

Miyuki sat down on the bed next to Tamao, keeping quiet until the other girl spoke, giving her a chance to adjust. Sitting at the table the older girl had noticed the first signs of a breakdown coming from the underclassmen, and felt obligated to derail such a thing from happening. She had always wished that someone had been able to offer her a helping hand when she felt her emotions spiraling out of control, so now that she was offered the opportunity to do so for someone else, she grabbed it.

"I- I…thank you." Miyuki was roused out of her introspective thoughts by Tamao's timid words and looked over at the emotionally distraught girl. Her hazel eyes met tear filled blue-gray ones and the older girl felt a tug on her frozen heart. How many times had her own eyes been filled with tears from nearly the exact same situation? Countless, but there was more than understanding and pity within her, though as usual Miyuki was unwilling to delve into them.

"Are you feeling more under control?" Miyuki questioned moving on from her thoughts, carefully avoiding the usual words of 'are you okay?' and ignoring the tears on the other's face. She knew that things were certainly not 'okay' and the last question the younger girl wanted to hear was if things were 'okay.' As Tamao took a deep breath Miyuki felt a smile twist on her lips; she was surprised at the backbone in Tamao. The girl seemed to transform with that one breath, internalizing all of the hurt that was previously spilling out and putting on a front that impressed the queen of masks, Miyuki herself.

"I am," Tamao said her voice soft but firm.

"Good," Miyuki responded her voice firm and instructional, cutting to the chase, "remember, it is always better to excuse yourself to keep your mask up, then apologize later, then to break down in front of others."

To an outside observer, while appearing a bit solemn, Tamao's hurt would be undetectable, but Miyuki was no outsider. She saw the small cracks that gave away the expression as a mask. She noticed Tamao's eyes were a slightly darker color than usual, and were more reflective, more repelling, as if guarding intruders away. It was a change that once again tugged at Miyuki's heart. How sad was it that Tamao was about to embark on the road she was currently traveling?

The thought was heartbreaking to the older girl, and looking over at her companion she made a foolish promise to herself. She would keep Suzumi Tamao from turning into what she was, a frozen mechanical replacement for a human. Miyuki's small smile from earlier returned, but this time with much more bitterness. No one saved her, but she was certainly going to try and save Tamao .

****

For a long while Tamao could only sit still and try to keep her emotions from bursting through her skin, thankful that she was no longer under the gaze that filled her with both longing and pain. Thankful, but not entirely sure how her change in surrounding came about; the last thing she remembered was being in the dining room and feeling dizzy from the force of her emotions responding to Nagisa and then to Shizuma. Unwanted and unbidden the sight of Nagisa wrapped in Shizuma's embrace refusing her invitation once again caused tears to well in her eyes, but Tamao didn't try to stifle then as she did before. For some reason, though she wasn't in the state of mind to recognize exactly where she was at, she felt as if it was safe to let her emotions out a little.

After a few tears fell down her face Tamao felt a little better, like a balloon filled with too much air felt as just enough was let out for it to be under control. It was then that she realized there was a person next to her, and the person shocked her a little. It was the student council president, someone she hadn't had much interaction with. The older girl seemed lost in thought, a nostalgic expression on her face that had a bit of bitterness on it, and Tamao was caught off guard. She had never seen such an expression on the usually calm and composed woman. From Miyuki's presence Tamao remembered exactly how she ended up in what she assumed was the president's room.

"I-I…thank you," Tamao said gathering herself a bit to thank the person who pretty much rescued her from breaking down in front of everyone, a situation that would have no doubt been rather embarrassing and led to questions she didn't want to answer. Her words seemed to stir Miyuki from her thoughts, and Tamao was able to witness firsthand something that surely no one else had. She was able to watch the donning of Miyuki's façade.

Almost like magic the expression of nostalgia was wiped away to be replaced with calmness and the bitterness was transformed into subtle sternness, and within a few seconds the face that most people saw when looking at the student council president was in place, dominating as if it were real. But now that Tamao had seen the donning, she was immediately able to see it was a lie. The calmness was projected for others, not truly felt from within.

"Are you feeling more under control?" Miyuki asked and Tamao was somewhat startled by the question. She had expected something like 'was she okay,' as it was the question that most people asked, but looking into Miyuki's knowledgeable eyes, the younger girl realized Miyuki knew better. The realization made something within her sigh in relief; she had no idea what she was doing, but it seemed Miyuki did. If only for a minute, she could rely on the older girl.

Taking a deep breath Tamao tried to replicate what she had seen, trying to make her own façade, and was pleasantly surprised when she felt her features relax into the needed position. And though she was obviously lying with her expression, the lie felt somewhat comforting to the girl. It was a kind of solace that she had been seeking for a while. Though her mind said that it wasn't just the construction of her lie that was her solace, but where she was in general – with Miyuki, in her room.

"I am," Tamao was finally able to say, keeping her voice rather even. She felt quite proud of herself; she was finally taking some steps to become a stronger person, not the weak one that cried every time she saw her roommate and the former Etoile together. Feeling her back straighten Tamao let her eyes take in her surrounding clearly for the first time, but her gaze was not drawn to the room, they were drawn to Miyuki herself. She was seated with such poise and grace, but lurking under that Tamao saw the pain that she couldn't before – a pain that seemed to hover over the older girl's beautiful features, clouding her hazel eyes and delicate face.

And perhaps it was thankfulness for the older girl rescuing her, but Tamao felt a strong attachment take hold of her heart. Before the mask had come on Tamao had seen how hurt Miyuki was, and she felt the overpowering urge to try and ease the woman's pain. The urge only became stronger as Tamao heard Miyuki's next words, 'remember, it is always better to excuse yourself to keep your mask up, then apologize later, then to break down in front of others.' While Tamao agreed, and it was actually sound advice, it was the tone that caught the younger girl's attention. It was so slight, but she was able to detect the bitterness entwined within the words.

Again Tamao thought perhaps it was thankfulness, or even some sort of hero worship, but a foolish promise flowed into her mind. A promise she desperately wanted to fulfill even though it seemed far from her place to do so. Rukujo Miyuki, Tamao thought, looking into hooded hazel eyes, I will give you a reason to smile with your real face…


End file.
